SEATTLE, WA—Arguing that his position grants him certain flexibilities, Copywriter Jesse Timmons told reporters Thursday that he was outraged to find his employment terminated after arriving a mere 7,000 hours late. “What is this, junior high? exclaimed Timmons. “You want my mommy to sign a tardy slip?”
Timmons, whose first day was scheduled to begin nearly 10 months ago, added that he never would have taken the job had he known the agency conformed to such a rigid, archaic schedule. “I really don’t see what the problem is,” he continued. “Will someone tell these guys I’m a Creative?!”
Human Resources reportedly tried in vain to quell Timmons, explaining that the projects he had been hired for had already been briefed upon, produced, and launched during his absence. “Some of them even won awards,” noted HR Representative Sally Mckenzie. “The guy who replaced him already got promoted.”
At press time, a defiant Timmons was attempting to catch up on 7,000 hours of time sheets, logging them all under a job titled “thinking”.